Up With the Chickens

Raising children and chickens on a little buffalo farm

Crack Dealer

on January 21, 2012

I’m not a salesman. And frankly, I don’t want my children to be salespeople either -because, well – because they are children.  As a rule, I refuse to allow them to participate in any sort of fundraiser – no harassing our friends and family to buy candles, wrapping paper, candy, or worst of all, coupon books that will “more than pay for themselves over the course of the year.”  Yeah right.  My mother is going to use those five free tanning sessions or take advantage of a free fried pie with the purchase of her Happy Meal.  When fundraising is a required part of an activity, we just fork over the money and buy the minimum amount of whatever they are expected to sell. We still have two boxes of See’s candy bars from 2009.

Now a dilemma. I’ve made no secret of the fact that my children have not resorted to shamelessly hocking overpriced merchandise to fund their dance lessons, sports teams, and school field trips. And,I’m not particularly proud of this, butI have often refused to buy other people’s kids’ overpriced merchandise.  But now we’re  getting all these eggs that we’ve got to unload, and the Littles want to sell them.  Awkward.

I could just give them away, but, to be honest, I don’t want to. The Littles work hard each day feeding and watering the hens and gathering the eggs.  Okay, it’s not that hard, but they have been faithful to do it with very little complaining. They aren’t selling crummy wrapping paper from catalog.  They’ve actually worked to produce a product.  They deserve to know the pride of raising their own livestock and reaping the profits.  But how do we market our product without the Littles actually going out and putting our friends on the spot?  I stink at selling stuff. I’ve taught my kids to stink at selling stuff.

Fortunately,  I’ve got a plan.  I am going to use the business model of some of our nation’s most successful salesmen – crack dealers.  Here’s how it works: I offer people their first dozen eggs for free. Who’s gonna turn down free eggs?  I casually drop it into a conversation, “Hey, we’ve got some extra eggs. Could you use some?”

“Sure,” they say.  “Can I pay you for these?”

(Here’s where I hook them without having to make a sales pitch.)  Waving away  the offer of money, I reply,  “Well, the Littles are hoping to get a couple of bucks per carton.  They’re saving money for a new rabbit.  But just go ahead  take these.  If you need more, you can pay me next time –  if you want to.”   And they want to.  After the first dozen farm-fresh eggs, they are hooked.  They come back for more  alright, and they are willing to pay. Farm on!  

2 responses to “Crack Dealer

  1. Barbara says:

    You are just plain evil! Ha! Good for you and the Littles!

  2. […] usually do a pretty good job of getting rid of our eggs by selling them to friends.  (See crack-dealer )However, occasionally we get behind overloaded with eggs, and I have to find easy ways to use […]

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